Monday, January 18, 2010

Civil Religion

I love this comment! This is exactly the reason we left the church, they are dishonest with themselves.

“Big Love” aside, polygamy is nearly always a fascinating doctrinal topic within the relatively short history of Mormonism. From founder Joseph Smith’s installing of the practice, including himself (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_the_wives_of_Joseph_Smith,_Jr.), to the definitive teachings of Prophet Brigham Young:

“Now if any of you will deny the plurality of wives, and continue to do so, I promise that you will be damned,” (Journal of Discourses, vol. 3, p. 266).

“The only men who become Gods, even the Sons of God, are those who enter into polygamy,” (Journal of Discourses, vol. 11, p. 269).

“We are told that if we would give up polygamy - which we know to be a doctrine revealed from heaven, and it is God and the world for it - but suppose this Church should give up this holy order of marriage, then would the devil, and all who are in league with him against the cause of God, rejoice that they had prevailed upon the Saints to refuse to obey one of the revelations and commandments of God to them. Journal of Discourses, vol. 11, p. 239).

Of note, the Salt Lake Tribune recently filed for bankruptcy. Should it not emerge successfully from such, one cannot expect the other main daily in the area (LDS Church owned Deseret News) to have the level of depth and objectivity that the Tribune did for obvious reasons.

A question for our LDS friends: why do the widely used titles of basic LDS teaching materials, such as the current edition of Gospel Principles and recently published series of the Teachings of the Prophets, ignore this history?

Child of Polygamy

I wrote this for Kim Taylors "Just One Wife" blog

From what I have seen in my experience as a polygamous child there is always a favorite wife. Sometimes more than one, but the children who are unlucky enough to be offspring of the mother who is not the favorite are often neglected and sometimes abused by their father. I have always felt great sadness and empathy for Abrahams son, with his slave woman, Ishmael. My dad once told my mom that it’s a natural thing for a father to take out on his children the frustration he feels towards his wife. That is a shocking admittance on his part! He was discussing someone else when he said it, but we realized that he was excusing himself for his own abuses.
My mother had desperately wanted to give my dad a son but she miscarried many times. Once she asked me to please run get my father, who was at another wife’s. I was about 10 years old and afraid for my mom. I found my dad lying on my “aunts” couch, watching football. I pleaded with him to please come. He rolled his eyes! Oh that’s right, it’s not my moms “night”! He didn’t come over for several hours. He was never there for his suffering wife. But of course she should be there for him.
When I look through my genealogy I realize that, in many cases, the polygamous father dies alone. Why is that?
Because of polygamy my sisters have no birth certificates and no education to be able to know how to figure that out, although they are trying to. I had one because my mom “rebelled” and sent away for it. She was afraid of everyone.
I can see that when a man deviates enough to have multiple women he can also, in many cases, deviate to include his own children in his self gratification. A common come-back for this is that it happens in monogamous families as well, but it seems to me that people are suppose to strive for the very best human behavior, especially when claiming that God is on their side.
I have known and heard of so many families who have lost the first wife and her children when another wife comes into the family. Doesn’t that seem counter-productive? It happens over and over again. The new woman excuses herself because the first wife agreed to the situation. She then could not handle it. And what makes people think that it’s the “strong” woman who will stick it out and share? The strong woman finds a better life for herself and her children!
I wish for all women what I am lucky enough to have; a husband, and father to my children, whom I don’t have to share with other women and children. My husband is a product of the same lifestyle and he saw the plight of the women in his life. He almost starved to death twice in his life because his mother had to leave him as a nursing baby while she worked in the states, and again in South America when they were stranded with no husband and father to care.
I love my father but I believe he made the wrong choices and I sure wish his children would not propagate that lifestyle.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

The De-evolution of a family Part I

For my own peace of mind I have figured out the whole lack of birth certificate fiasco that my sisters are dealing with now.
I am my mother’s first child. She happened to be in the home of her cousin, Harold Blackmore, when her labor began. She was shy and afraid and didn’t want my dad and his first wife to know that she was in labor so they went home or ? I haven’t figured that part out. Harold had been an FLDS member although not at the time I was born in 69.? He took my mom to the clinic in Hildale, Ut (Shortcreek). The midwife, Lydia Jessop, of course had all the necessary papers to send for my birth certificate and that is what my mom wanted even though my dad had wanted us NOT to be in the system.
Her 2nd baby, Joy, born 18 months later was an unassisted birth on a sidewalk or driveway or something in front of someone’s house in Mexico.! Of course they brought the good old table out to assist in delivery. What’s up with the table deliveries?
Rachel was born in Deming just 16 months or so after Joy, at home, unassisted. Becca came 2 years after Rachel in the same manner.
I have had several of my babies unassisted out of choice, not necessity. It is always a nerve wracking thing to get a birth certificate. It’s been different every time I have done it. I had the back-up of my husband as well as a small community of unassisted birthers on the internet and a good friend midwife, all there to ease my mind and give me advice etc. My mom had none of those. She felt alone and afraid. She was a Canadian, citizen which complicated everything in her mind. My sisters had almost no identity. My mother had basically given up her own identity. She had a husband she could not claim.
My sisters have gotten by with written statements from several people. It allowed them to get a drivers license or ID. This year they can no longer get away with it and have been forced to figure out how to get a US BC without jeopardizing moms status.
As far as I can see the worst that could happen is that mom is deported to Canada which wouldn’t be too much of a problem except that she is essential in Rachels life. I think we can pull up the slack if that happened but I can understand moms worry.
I’m ashamed of myself for not understanding WHY my sisters have gone without a birth certificate. To complicate it even more is that we all have Mexican BC’s but because they have claimed to have been born in the US they are afraid to try and use those BC’s to get “Born Abroad” certificates.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

When do you do or say something?

When it concerns children? I came right out, finally, and told my youngest full sister that she leaves her children too much. Our mom has them every weekend so my sister can travel to different places to either visit a boyfriend, or do some modeling job that she never gets paid for, or to just get away. She texted me that if she wanted my opinion she would have asked for it. It makes me wonder if someone like me has any responsibility to try and set things straight. If I believe her children are suffering, or that our mother is being worn out, or that she is being irresponsible by spending what little money she has on car gas instead of living expenses like phone, car loan, rent. And it's not like I woke up this morning and decided today was the day to add more stress to my sisters life. She complained about our mother a little and I felt I had to say something. It's more complicated than that, her children's father is in prison and our mother isn't able to allow my sister to move on.
Another, worse situation; My niece who's mother drinks called me a couple weeks ago to please come get her. It was late and I drove right over. When I got there the 5 month old was screaming and my niece said "please come talk to my mom, she dropped the baby". I went upstairs to my sister and the baby. They were both hysterical. I spoke very softly to them both, gently took the baby and walked him around the house whispering to him until he calmed down. Sister could not calm down. She had fought with my niece, her teenage daughter, and in the process dropped the baby on the tile bathroom floor face first according to my 5 year old niece. My sister cried hysterically over and over that "she pulled my HAIR!" I took the baby upstairs to the teenagers room and quietly asked if her mother had been drinking. My niece believed she had. My sister came into the room and with an ugly snarl asked what we were talking about. I boldly told her, "Your drinking". She snarled at me to give her the baby. Some awful, protective instinct made me say, "If you take this baby I will call Child Protective Services" I'm embarrassed. I let her take her baby and I dialed the CPS # that I already had saved in my contacts. He and the police came right over. They talked with her for a long time and again (I had called them once before but she didn't know it) didn't think there was too much out of place. I made my niece come down and talk with them and show them her bloody hand. They finally gave my sister a breathalizer test and she was very intoxicated. Much more than the "one" drink she said she had. She now has a file on her. The CPS agent wants to help her. She does have a problem and she refuses to believe it. When she is not drinking she is a very good mother. These 2 sisters drive me insane. I blame it on the impoverished childhood and their extreme lack of education. When is it my business? Am I out of line?

Friday, October 30, 2009

Some hero's

Sarah Pratt, first wife of Orson Pratt. William Law, once second councilor to Joseph Smith and owner of the Expositor. Mark Twain!