Tuesday, November 17, 2009

When do you do or say something?

When it concerns children? I came right out, finally, and told my youngest full sister that she leaves her children too much. Our mom has them every weekend so my sister can travel to different places to either visit a boyfriend, or do some modeling job that she never gets paid for, or to just get away. She texted me that if she wanted my opinion she would have asked for it. It makes me wonder if someone like me has any responsibility to try and set things straight. If I believe her children are suffering, or that our mother is being worn out, or that she is being irresponsible by spending what little money she has on car gas instead of living expenses like phone, car loan, rent. And it's not like I woke up this morning and decided today was the day to add more stress to my sisters life. She complained about our mother a little and I felt I had to say something. It's more complicated than that, her children's father is in prison and our mother isn't able to allow my sister to move on.
Another, worse situation; My niece who's mother drinks called me a couple weeks ago to please come get her. It was late and I drove right over. When I got there the 5 month old was screaming and my niece said "please come talk to my mom, she dropped the baby". I went upstairs to my sister and the baby. They were both hysterical. I spoke very softly to them both, gently took the baby and walked him around the house whispering to him until he calmed down. Sister could not calm down. She had fought with my niece, her teenage daughter, and in the process dropped the baby on the tile bathroom floor face first according to my 5 year old niece. My sister cried hysterically over and over that "she pulled my HAIR!" I took the baby upstairs to the teenagers room and quietly asked if her mother had been drinking. My niece believed she had. My sister came into the room and with an ugly snarl asked what we were talking about. I boldly told her, "Your drinking". She snarled at me to give her the baby. Some awful, protective instinct made me say, "If you take this baby I will call Child Protective Services" I'm embarrassed. I let her take her baby and I dialed the CPS # that I already had saved in my contacts. He and the police came right over. They talked with her for a long time and again (I had called them once before but she didn't know it) didn't think there was too much out of place. I made my niece come down and talk with them and show them her bloody hand. They finally gave my sister a breathalizer test and she was very intoxicated. Much more than the "one" drink she said she had. She now has a file on her. The CPS agent wants to help her. She does have a problem and she refuses to believe it. When she is not drinking she is a very good mother. These 2 sisters drive me insane. I blame it on the impoverished childhood and their extreme lack of education. When is it my business? Am I out of line?

Friday, October 30, 2009

Some hero's

Sarah Pratt, first wife of Orson Pratt. William Law, once second councilor to Joseph Smith and owner of the Expositor. Mark Twain!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


Whew! I think the worst might be over. Last year was a tough one for us with our teenagers. After 6 weeks in New Mexico with their Aunt the 2 oldest came back ready to be somebody! Ready to care about education. Malachi's whole wardrobe has changed. He asked me to buzz his hair before he left. He now leaves it natural. He has really beautiful, wavy hair. He used to wear it somewhat long and then he'd spend a bunch of time straightening it. He wanted to get into the tight and but dragging pants style. Now he wears nice fitting 501's. The best part of all this change is that he is, so far, an A student! He cares! Plus I told him he'll have to pay for any classes he fails.
Aurora is happy to be in college, where before, she acted like I was forcing her to go. She loves being there. They are still lazy about looking for jobs but at this point I just want to see good grades and I hate them to compromise with work. Even though I know other kids do and it's good for them. We'll see. Zach is just 14 and we haven't had any teenage issues with him. I don't think we will. This year I love teenagers!

Friday, August 28, 2009

Another pot bust

Why are we wasting our time and money with this? Alcohol kills people. Does marijuana? I don't think so. How about we make SMOKING ANYTHING a thing of the past, it's not healthy. But tea..would probably be very healthy. I don't know.

Monday, July 6, 2009


I will never understand what draws some people to experiment with drugs but it sure is common. Michael died with a huge variety of drugs in his system. My 15 year old has already shown an interest in mind and body alterting substances by taking half a bottle of Lortab. I thook him to a therapist. Months later he crushed an antibiotic and sniffed it, (I almost felt like the therapist had actually given him the idea) I am so afraid for him. How strange that even witnessing the death of a beloved uncle hadn't curbed his interest. He claims he doesn't ever want to do it again. All I can do is hope and watch vigilantly.

Friday, June 26, 2009

alcohol and children

I am so angry and feel so helpless. I have a new baby nephew. 3 weeks old. He has a mother, but no apparent father. Or at least not one who is in the picture. He is most likely the product of alcohol. My sister was very good throughout her pregnancy and did not drink, which tells me that she understands that alcohol is damaging to her fetus. I just learned that she has already had a drink. She claims it was just one beer but it was enough to cause her to act differently and make her 14 yr old daughter call gramma to take her away. I will not stand by with this behavior. I will HAVE to get involved. First I will send her articles related to alcohol and breast-milk. Maybe she doesn’t know it can damage her baby’s learning. She is slightly mentally handicapped. Quite often, I despise my family! Women have been arrested for nursing while intoxicated. I think there is a case in Europe where a mother was charged with homocide because her 7 week old died after nursing while she was drinking!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

A mother can't help but question

Hmmm, when teenage sons, who have never before shown any interest whatsoever in their own cleanliness (or anyone elses of course), are suddenly washing their own bedding.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

another English essay, 6 pages!

Atheism Does Not Equal Immorality
There seems to be a common misconception among a lot of people when they are confronted with labels like Deist, or Agnostic, or most shocking of all, Atheist! In their minds, apparently, these titles bring up images of immorality run amuck. From my own personal experience as a theist, I know that people do not want to accept someone they care about as being atheist. There was a time when I could not stand the thought either. Many people simply refuse to believe someone’s claim of being atheist if that person is a law abiding, respectable, good person. They might say, “So and so says he’s an atheist, but I don’t believe it.” It’s just too hard for them to fathom good people with no God. Without a God, how do we know the difference between right and wrong? Don’t all atheists believe that morality is relative, and others, that “Anything goes?” But atheists have comparable morals to theists. For atheists, morality is not a way of living just because God tells them they must; morality makes perfect sense when they consider cause and effect.
The religious theory that morality exists only because God has imposed it upon us makes morality seem like a thing we cannot comprehend. It’s illusive or mysterious, and we are all possible cheaters or murderers etc. unless there is an afterlife and a punisher to consider. It’s as if the most intelligent life that we know of, mankind, is too simple minded to comprehend the consequences of his or her actions. Perhaps the theory is that humans are naturally moral beings because God has instilled morality into our souls. Christians, such as the philosopher J.P.Moreland, say that the first and most important reason for morality is “because I love God, I recognize him as my creator” (128) He then adds that one should be moral for the sake of it and because he has concern for “this life and the life to come.” The latter statement is one that theists and non-theists alike can agree on except, perhaps, that atheists might be more concerned with future generations rather than an afterlife in heaven.
Religious believers think that the existence of morality is proof that there is a God. It is thought that without a God, or scripture, there would be no reason to restrain ourselves from whatever impulse we have. Where does morality come from, and who makes the rules? If there is no spiritual director and eternal damnation than what’s to stop us from committing robbery, rape and even murder? However, Charles Darwin reflected that the most significant and important difference between man and other, lower animals, is man’s “moral sense or conscience” (qtd. in Shermer 13). Darwin found himself in awe of man’s nobleness and willingness to sacrifice anything for what he believes is right or just.
Most religious persons have the comfort of knowing what is right and wrong because their priest, prophet, rabbi etc. tell them. But there are also many stories about religious fanatics using their beliefs to justify some of the most horrifying and deviant actions that most of society would consider quite wrong! For instance: recently, in Southern Utah, there have been religious believers who claim to be the posterity of Christ and plan to reincarnate him through incest. Some religious believers refuse life saving blood transfusions. Others make decisions based entirely on what their leaders have required of them, like circumcising a child, or whether a certain food or beverage is beneficial or harmful to their bodies with no thought to scientific evidence that suggests otherwise. In addition, of course, there are the polygamous societies who base their lifestyle around their religion and convince young women to enter into such marriages or else fail to receive “celestial rewards.” And how can we ever forget the fanatic jihadists who were willing to give their lives for their religion by flying planes into buildings, killing thousands of innocent people?
While it can be said that some individuals leave their religion and become atheists because of morality divergence, atheists are not typically amoral. Most atheists, in fact, are very moral and ethical. Some statistics seem to suggest that theistic countries, such as the U.S., often have higher rates of adolescent abortion, STD’s, homicides, and more marital problems. (Paul par. 15, 16) One would actually wonder if our theistic citizens misbehave because they believe they will be forgiven their “sins.” Or maybe they simply have a less final, and more comforting view of death? Whereas, an Atheist knows he or she is ultimately accountable to his or her own conscience and humanity, and that this life may be their one chance to make a difference.
For Atheists, science is the deciding force of good and evil; what supports life and what does not. Because of our innate social instincts, our need to be accepted by the pack, the human species has evolved to find ways to do just that, be accepted and acceptable. As noted in Robert Wright’s introduction to his book, The Moral Animal, humans have “a thirst for social approval, [and] a capacity for guilt” (9). We have a desire for life, love, family, peace: but even the most basic desires for food, shelter and sex must be satiated in an acceptable way in order to keep our secure place within our society. But it’s not just the fear of rejection or repercussion that makes us want to do good. We have a desire to see our fellow creatures happy and we have that “capacity for guilt” because most of us also have empathy. That is, we can imagine ourselves in someone else’s place. Over time we have adopted certain standards that work for the majority of people everywhere. That standard is now commonly known as the Golden Rule, Do unto others as you would have done unto you.
The biggest problem in finding the proper balance of morality and ethics is that in almost any subject that comes to mind there is a controversy. The stem cell research debate for example. Is the manipulation of a human embryo going to devalue humanity? Or is experimenting with that embryo, for the benefit of others, the moral and ethical thing to do? Who gets to decide when life begins or when it should end, as with abortion, Capital Punishment or assisted suicide for the terminally ill? It takes scientific evaluation and thought to discover the answer to these questions, and others.
There is a wide disparity between non-theists and theists alike on many issues like abortion and Judy Ferris put that issue in a good perspective in her essay, Why Should Atheists Be Pro-Life when she said, “For the atheist who believes that when you die, your life is over, period, the taking of an unborn human’s life should be a very serious matter” (par. 17). How can a non-theist be any more comfortable than a believer with the loss to the world of any individual no matter how insignificant that life may seem to some. In fact, life should be even more precious because there may not be any other way for that individual to have a chance at life. Or even the comforting thought that the child has a loving family waiting in heaven. If there is not even a possible “reincarnational transfer” as she says, then one has to realize how serious and, possibly permanent the decision to take a life is. Ferris is an ideal authority on the subject because she once had an abortion and believed the dogma of the “Choicists” who told her the embryo she carried was nothing more than a “blob”, but during her pregnancies with her subsequent, younger children she became educated about the life of a fetus. She then came to believe that abortion is equal to murder.
Morality continues to evolve according to experience and new scientific revelation. Whatever actions or non-actions that help our species continue to live, and to live together in harmony, is the moral compass of the modern Atheist. Less than 200 years ago human slavery was perfectly acceptable to many people and deities, including the God of the Bible, as demonstrated in his speech to Moses on Mt. Sinai,
Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of the
heathen that are round about you; And ye shall take them as
an inheritance for your children after you, to inherit them for a possession; they
shall be your bondmen forever: but your brethren the children of Israel, ye shall not rule one over the other with rigour. (Holy Bible Leviticus 25. 44-46)
And yet, today’s Jews and Christians would be horrified at the thought of slavery in their own time, which goes to show that thinking evolves as we gain wider perspectives.
Robert Wright points out, after a lengthy review of polygamy versus monogamy, that although polygamy (regardless of an inequality factor) could be more advantageous to women and less to men because of the ability it gives women to move up the socioeconomic ladder, that in the end polygamy is dangerous for society because it leaves the unmarried men to wander aimlessly about, generally behaving riskily (100). This is one person, using the scientific method, to discover what is beneficial in society and what really is not. Science is simple common sense, with no need to rely on religion to tell us whether a certain behavior is right or wrong. If the scientific method were applied to every aspect of our lives we would all make decisions based on logic, or common sense, rather than fear of eternal damnation, or anticipation of heavenly rewards.
Some of our moral instincts are definitely learned from experience. Probably some very basic, natural instincts have kept humans from danger and even extinction, such as the maternal instinct, or bond, between mother and child. This instinct is not necessarily God given. It is very likely a reaction to the hard experiences of pre-historic life. In order to keep her posterity alive, a mother must create an attachment to her young and a strong awareness of the child’s whereabouts and actions.
Some philosophers and scientists believe that religion was a response to early civilizations needs for a moral “code of conduct.” Humans have required rules and laws to govern themselves by. A belief in an omnipotent God, who will judge us all for our deeds, is, for many, a commanding deterrent. However, people who choose not to believe in such a supernatural being, can feel generally at ease with the laws created by their fellow citizens, and if the laws in place are not acceptable, then citizens have the right to collectively make a change. Michael Shermer, in his book The Science of Good and Evil, says that although religion has brought humans far in their moral evolution, “morality need not be the exclusive domain of religion” (20). Non theists know that their judges are all around them in the form of neighbors, family, community, even nature (22). Atheists store their treasures in the life they are living and the world they live in. Atheists are moral because they want to live in a decent world and they understand that their actions have a direct effect on the world around them, like a ripple in a pond.

Works Cited
Ferris, Judy. “Why Should Atheists Be Pro-life?” Pagans For Life. 08 March 2009. <>
Holy Bible. Salt Lake City, UT. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. 2000.
Moreland, J.P. Scaling the Secular City. Baker Academic, February 1987. p. 128
Paul, Gregory S. “Cross-National Correlations of Quantifiable Societal Health with Popular Religiosity and Secularism in the Prosperous Democracies.” Journal of Religion & Society. (2005): 20 pars. 15 April 2009
Shermer, Michael. The Science of Good and Evil. New York: Times Books. 2004
Wright, Robert. “Darwin and Us.” Introduction. The Moral Animal Why We Are The Way We Are: The New Science Of Evolutionary Psychology. New York: Vintage Books. 1995.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Why Should Atheists Be Pro-Life?

Why Should Atheists Be Pro-Life?
By Judy Ferris

I am often asked this question. I usually answer, "Why shouldn't atheists be pro-life?"
Nobody questions why non-religious persons fight drug abuse, drunk-driving, rape, poverty, crime, etc. Why should fighting abortion be viewed so differently?
Some people think that unless you believe in God, or more specifically, a God that will punish you in Hell if you do something wrong, then you cannot be made to behave. They apparently believe that atheists must be criminals.
Yet, many non-religious people actively fight crime, violence, and "wrongdoing" for many reasons. We believe in fairness and justice, protection of people's rights, lives and property. Heck, we even register to vote and try to pass laws to govern the behavior of other citizens! I am living proof that a belief in God or religion is not necessary for a person to become involved in the fight against abortion.
In fact, one thing that both the abortion industry and the pro-life movement agree on is that public ignorance about fetal development, abortion methodology and post-abortion complications is necessary if abortion is to remain legal. Ironically, the religious orientation of most pro-lifers may act as the major factor preventing education from taking place.
Faith and TrustOnce upon a time, I was a "pro-choice" woman. I believed in many mythical things back then: that sex could be "free" from any committments or consequences, that legalized abortion was "safe", that "control" over female reproductive functions would lead to equal rights for women. But the myth I held to most dearly was that opposition to abortion was merely religious.
Since I had allowed my first child to be killed by abortion, I wanted to be reassured that I had nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about. Certain women's groups comforted me by calling abortion a woman's "right" - merely a medical procedure. I would literally hold my breath whenever abortion was the topic on television, waiting for religion to be mentioned. The media never let me down. Abortionists angrily complained about the trauma experienced by patients because of pro-life picketers. Abortion-rights activists harassed preachers who spoke up against abortion, accusing them of being insensitive to women.
In a sense I was being repeatedly promised the same thing: as long as I avoided pro-lifers or religion, I would not suffer any post-abortion regrets or grief. I faithfully followed this advice for a decade. As an atheist, I was confident that condemnation of abortion by religious leaders would never bother me.
I gained so much confidence that I could even bring up abortion in conversation or joke about it. I mouthed "pro-choice" slogans as if they were proven truths. What little information about abortion that filtered through my defenses I assumed was propaganda dreamed up by religious fanatics who would even stoop to lying. I perceived the truth about abortion to exist somewhere between bad enough to be a little upsetting (messy, blood) but not so bad as to warrant further investigation. I placed such faith and trust in the providers and defenders of abortion; I believed they were there to help women, to protect women. I was totally unprepared when reality hit.
Seeing The LightBelieving that the fetus was just a "blob of tissue", that pro-lifers were lying about how developed aborted fetuses are, I had no reason to avoid information from sources that were not "anti-abortion". I learned about fetal development when my other children were born. I experienced nightmares, crying spells and suicidal thoughts. I knew these were not caused by the activities or words of pro-lifers or preachers. Was I supposed to be upset with sonogram technicians or childbirth instructors for educating me?
Still, I tried to defend abortion somehow. I didn't want to be called a "right-to-lifer". I fell back on the "choice" slogans about child abuse, rape, women's rights... but could not find any real evidence to back up their assumptions. I even contacted "pro-choice" groups to ask questions. It was made very clear to me that my support of the abortion industry was supposed to be "no questions asked!" They had no answers.
As an atheist, one of the most ironic discoveries I made when I became pro-life was the cultist nature of the followers of choice. To a skeptic like myself, the "pro-choice" movement started to look frighteningly fundamentalist. I started asking questions and was "answered" with slogans. Dissatisfied with slogans, I continued asking questions and was accused of being "anti-choice". To question was taboo; information from pro-lifers was "heresy", and I had become a "heretic".
Non-Religious RationaleTwo major differences between atheists and religious persons are their philosphies regarding the origin of the universe and what happens after death. If you examine the atheist's beliefs, it is easy to understand why they could or should oppose abortion.
Atheists do not believe that the universe was created; they believe that the universe evolved, rather than being planned. "Choicists" believe that "unplanned" life is not worthy of protection. Furthermore, they believe that unplanned-for-lives are doomed to unhappiness, violence, and abuse.
Evidence that humanity has suffered unhappiness, abuse, and violence is easy to find in any history book or just by looking around you now. If the "every child a wanted child" (and if not wanted, destroyed) "prescription" for "curing" child abuse were applied to the whole violent, unplanned universe... well, that sort of "logic" leads directly to advocating for the destruction of the entire human race! in fact, it doesn't take genius (just honesty) to acknowledge that this sort of reasoning is already being employed in targeting certain groups of humans for reduction or elimination (for their own good, of course, to ease their suffering). Does violence exist because the universe is a bastard, without even a "biological", let alone spiritual "father"? The theory of evolution and the unplanned pregnancy equals child abuse theory clash with each other.
Examining afterlife philosophies reveals more inconsistencies between "choicism" and atheism. Religious persons generally believe in life after death either in a heaven or via reincarnation; non-religious persons generally believe in the finality of death or a kind of non-religious reincarnation.
For the atheist who believes that when you die, your life is over, period, the taking of an unborn human's life should be a very serious matter. There will be no comforting of this being by a heavenly father, angels, or relatives after a torturous death; there will be no mere reincarnational transfer. Thousands of times each day unique, never-to-be-again, individual beings have their one and only chance at life terminated without even a trace of "due process".
Unfortunately, many pro-life individuals are keeping the link between religion and opposition to abortion the primary focus in the debate. For some religious pro-lifers, employing non-religious arguments against abortion is sacrilegious. Not only do they see abortion as a sin, but failing to make reference to religion with each pro-life effort is sinful. They are upset and afraid of the idea of atheist or agnostic pro-lifers. They answer questions with scripture regardless of their audience. They pray at pro-life pickets and meetings. In short, they fit the negative, stereotypical way that all pro-lifers are portrayed: as religious zealots trying to "impose morality", mindless puppets directed by pro-life preachers.
Some religious pro-lifers simply need more information. They would use the medical, legal, and scientific facts to argue against abortion, if they knew them. Lacking this information, they are not confident discussing abortion. They worry that issues such as child abuse, rape, and "back-alley butchers" will be brought up. They have not yet heard the well-researched, logical explanations that disprove the popular "pro-choice" reasons for "needing" to keep abortion legal.
I hope to educate others about the facts, confident that they will then oppose legalized contract killing of the unborn once they know the truth. I do not try to "impose morality".
The cold reality is that abortionists are prenatal hitmen, employed to impose morality on innocent unborn humans.

Thursday, March 12, 2009


HERE ARE A COUPLE OF REALLY GREAT COMMENTS ON THIS ARTICLE. I like them because they seem to be from Liberals who are "saddened" by the use of abortion as birth control. Actually, I don't see how a person can be pro-choice and pro-life though.? The thing I would like people to think about is that the issue of abortion has NOTHING to do with religion! A fetus is a living thing. How anyone can pretend it's not is mind boggeling to me. As soon as that embryo has implanted into the mothers womb it should be considered a person. Abortion is just murder. There doesn't have to be a God involved in that fact.

I think the biggest problem the GOP has with this issue is that it cannot separate the idea of being pro-life from the idea of being pro-choice. It is very possible to be both, and I think a lot of the country are both pro-life and pro-choice. I am a Democrat, and while I feel that there are WAY too many abortions performed in this country, I do not think it is something that needs to be made illegal. I am all for educating everyone on the choices they have with their pregnancy (abortion, adoption, keeping it), and I would love to see less people actually choose to have abortions. I look at abortion as a last resort, and am saddened that some use it as their preferred method of birth control. Jackson, Seattle (Sent Thursday, March 12, 2009 12:32 PM)


It always amazes me that the republicans are so worried about life and so "compassionate", but when it comes to providing the social programs so that the "unwanted" child has a decent life, they are dead set against it.

So they are pro-life, but against that life having a fair chance at a equal health care, good education, and a strong future. Chris - IL (Sent Thursday, March 12, 2009 12:39 PM

Friday, March 6, 2009

a response to an MSN article about kids and homework.

Kids and homework. I agree with this essay.

I have a bachelor's degree and also a teaching certificate. My husband has two masters degrees. We definitely feel education is important. That being said. . .

There are so many things we need to do as parents to ensure our children grow up as well-rounded individuals. Education is very important, there is no question about that. But there is a whole world of education beyond what our children need to learn in the classroom. I feel it is important for my children to have opportunities to take music lessons, play sports, do chores around the home (cooking, cleaning, etc. for when they grow up and move out), play with friends and even just hang out and have some down-time. I know I need that. I don't expect it's any different for my children. A child, or adult for that matter, who has a well-rounded life is much more likely to be successful in every aspect of their lives even though they may spend less time in one particular area.

The concern I have had with my four children's homework is that sometimes it is so excessive that getting any of these other priorities accomplished can be next to impossible. Or, if we are in the midst of soccer season, getting homework done is next to impossible. I feel we also need to remember that children, even (if not especially) teenagers, need a lot of sleep, about ten hours a night. My children are in school for about seven hours a day. I feel that is enough book education, unless, of course, they are not doing their work during school hours.

For high school students especially, having five and six hours of homework is ridiculous. The argument of many teachers that this homework is preparing them for college doesn't necessarily work for me either. Even in the thick of my college education I never had 12 - 13 hours of school and homework a day. Just being sent home with busy work is not teaching them to study and learn. Those are skills that need to be taught, not just figured out as we bumble our way through loads of homework.

I feel that homework cuts into the other areas of life that I feel it is so important to teach and train my children in. How can they find out their talents, skills and interests in life if all they do is sit around doing homework? Many of us have careers that draw from many areas of our lives, not just our book education. I feel we need to give our children a chance to learn in all areas and live a balanced life. This is vital to their success, happiness and well-being. And isn't this what we ultimately want for our children?

Friday, January 30, 2009


I make a fool of myself every time I have to participate in class. I am such a dunce! When will I grow up?

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Just One Please

My first English essay. she gave me a 95% and advised that ir needs more to the conclussion. I'm not sure that I'm very good at this sort of thing!
English 1010
January 23 2009

Just One Please

I sat motionless, not able to breath, my stomach twisting into a tight knot, like a wet rag being wrung out, threatening to expel everything it contained all over the trailer house porch. Mathew, the young man who was supposedly in love with me, had just asked me to convince my innocent, 15 year old sister, Joy, to become one of his polygamous wives!
My emotions confused me at first. Why should I have a problem with the request? Most of my life I had felt a deep sense of sympathy for all the poor, misguided souls, in a world that I had rarely been exposed to, who didn’t understand the, so called, truth as I had been taught it. There was another, not so kind, feeling as well- superiority. I had always been told, and believed, that I would have a secure place in the “Celestial Kingdom” if I would only overcome the selfish and jealous nature that my gender is “naturally cursed with”. I had to prove to God and everyone that I was beyond such mortal feelings by one day sharing my husband with other women.
I knew that I was perfectly capable of it. There had never been a doubt in my mind! After all I had many sisters and brothers with whom I shared my parents. Once in a while a mean thought would creep into my young mind like, “I wish I were an only child!” But the thought never lingered long. I enjoyed my siblings and was generally happy to share the attention we received from our mother and sometimes our father. There was enough to go around. What difference would it make to share my husband and the father to my children? My father often made the comparison, “A father loves all of his children alike. It’s the same with wives.” Polygamy was my calling. Really the only thing required of me in life; well, besides the multitude of babies I would have.
I was 17, eager for life and sick of the boredom I felt every moment of every day with no society beyond my family. Mathew was my step-mothers brother and I babysat in his home. Unlike other “plyg” kids, as we called ourselves, we did not face the possibility of an arranged marriage. We were free to choose for ourselves from our limited society.
As Mathew and I sat together that afternoon in the warm glow of sunset, on the steps of his trailer house porch, his arm draped over my shoulders, and I with a feeling of happiness and belonging, he casually asked me if I would try to procure my little sister for his wife as well.
I wanted to stiffen, maybe even gasp in disgust, but I was not used to having an opinion let alone expressing one! So I sat quietly trying to make sense of what he had said. In those few moments of quiet rage, images began to creep into my mind. I could clearly see the young, laughing face of my little sister. Then the memory of my aunt leaping out of my brother-in-laws traveling car when she found out that her husband had gone to Mexico to get a new wife. I had thought her so pathetic and cowardly! And, closer to my heart, the memory of my mother sending me to find my dad because she feared she was having a miscarriage, only to have him roll his eyes and inform me it was “Aunt Carla’s night.” And the subsequent lonely miscarriages she endured.
How different ones outlook becomes from just a little first hand experience! In an instant, gone were the thoughts of disgust at women I had thought were “rebellious” wives.
It was at that moment, as my emotions raged unchecked, that reality hit me full force, like a sonic boom in my head! The anger was exhilarating! I felt alive! Being the quiet and scared person that I was I did not say anything, but I knew, if this was my path to “heaven,” I would rather take a one way ticket straight to hell!
A week later I was on a plane to a summer job in Alaska and my mother was in the process of putting polygamy behind her and my sisters for good.

Hollywood Conservatives Encouraged to Come Out of the Closet

My question is how can the brother of Allen Baldwin be a conservative?!!!! Amazing!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

I'm making a transcript for my almost 18 year old to get her into SUU.

I have no idea what they want exactly but I did ask for a transcipt of all she's done at the high school here. It's due in a week or so. I hope it's ok.

Student Transcript
Home school

Cedar City, UT 84721

Gender: F Grade: 12

08-09 Canyon View High School
Spring semester she will finish up Chemistry, Orchestra, English 11 and 12. She will also have Dance and Weights.

Auto Mechanics B 2 semesters
Music A 2 semesters
Gun Club B 2 semesters
Astronomy B 1 semester
Horse Management C 1 semester

Fitness B 1 semester
Health B 1 semester
Child Development C 2 semesters
World History A 1 Semester
Music Aesthetics A 2 semesters

English B 2 semesters
Food and Nutrition A 1 semester
Clothing Construction A 2 semesters
Earth Systems C 1 semester
World Civilizations A 2 semester

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Cousin Winston

I guess he has his own blog. I've never met him. He always seems to sound not TOO bad to me....?

Sunday, January 11, 2009

AIDS battle burnishes Bush's legacy in Africa

Here's a pretty decent article about something GOOD the Bush Administraion has done. Always nay-sayers but hey, now that we've got the other team in office maybe we'll finally hear more posative things about Bush. That's going to be such a relief! As for Obama; I think he's great.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Looks like the Mounties are trying to clean house?

Harold Blackmore was my sweet, LDS grandpa. Raymond is the youngest in this picture. http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/americas/01/07/canada.polygamists/index.html

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

See, there's no such thing as an Athiest Republican!

Just as I suspected! Or perhaps they're working so hard they don't have time for a google blog.? Why am I a Republican anyway? For starters the whole abortion issue just bothers me. I'm not saying a woman shouldn't have a choice in terrible situations I just think it's far too common and that a person should have to watch an educational video or something before they go through with it. I beleive the babies suffer horribly as they are being ripped apart! And I feel that there should be more accountability. Here in the US there are so many people just dieing to adopt babies! Abortion is nothing less than murder! That child did not have a choice. It did not ask for a life and it certainly did not ask for a death!
More on this repub issue later, i hear my baby coughing and complaining from bed, which I vacated because it is TOO crowded to sleep in and I have insomnia!

Monday, January 5, 2009

Livin with teens

In a rush this morning to get my butt to my fist class of the semester I begged Howard for a pencil and he helpfully obliged. As I was dropping Aurora off I asked Malachi if he had the supplies needed for school today such as pencil, notebook, etc. He chipperly answered "I have a pencil!" Well good I thought. But after I dropped him off, went around the block, parked and jumped out of the jeep grabbing my own books etc, low and behold I could NOT find that pencil Howard had given me! At least ONE of us had a pencil! I was forced to raise my hand in class, drawing attention to myself, and ask if anyone had such a thing! What a good way to start a new class.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Mentally handicapped?

I have to get this off my chest! I feel like, (hmm no, I think) I have inherited a lack of intelligence and what’s worse; I’m passing it down to my kids! You wonder how I can be so rude to my family and ancestors by claiming it’s inherited? Well for one thing I can be completely anonymous here. But the main thing is that I’m pretty sure I’m being truthful! I could bring up multiple examples. Naa never mind. Anyway, I think my kids dad has at least as much and more negative DNA in his background. And naively we have 9 beautiful kids to continue the legacy with! I’ve started advising them to limit their procreation if possible. But especially, if they really want to procreate, to make sure they do their research on their intended partners! I think I’m pretty serious.
The thing is that I often think I have something I could communicate and I’ll have it all, you know, typed in my head. But by the time I get to the computer to get it out of my head I have forgotten the great layout I had thought out! Aaaahhhhh! It’s soo frusterating!
Honestly there have been times that I was sure I was a lot smarter than most people but lately…. I realize that it’s very hard for me to learn. Probably because I can’t REMEMBER! What are my options? I can accept who I am and live with my mental disabilities or I can work my brain out and pretend to everyone else that I’m smarter than I am. One is the lazy but relaxing way; the other will take a bunch of work and maybe lies. Sigh. I guess I’ll have to keep trying and hoping to expand what little I have.

Thursday, January 1, 2009


Easy to accomplish
1. Lose 5 lbs, lucky for me that’s not too hard to do if I really try. Although it has taken me longer than usual to get rid of the baby fat left over from Rowan who will be 2 in Feb.
2. Weekly cappuccino moolattes!

Not so easy

1. Change our housing situation by either adding on or moving!
2. refinance
3. exercise
4. Stay un-pregnant OR get my hands on a lot of money!
5. be a better mother to teenagers?
6. continue with my education
7. have a better income
8. get Howards teeth done
9. braces for Zeke and possibly Zach and Aurora
10. Stop trying to be funny! I'm not good at it.
11. laugh more
12. buy and eat less sugar especially what the kids get!