Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Me a school girl!

I'm so excited! Next week is the beggining of my second semester at SUU. I don't have time for more than 2 classes so it's going to take me a while. My new classes are Photography and english 1010. What I would REALLY like to be when I grow up is a Genetic Councilor! That's the next evolution! I want to play God ok. But for now I want to learn how to take perfect pictures.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Just one little reason I despise polygamy.

Howard’s father died last year, May 2007, in Telume Mexico. Apparently he had a small fan club there who called him “teacher”. He had been briefly married to Howard’s cousins mother (I’d love to say more about that but won’t!)But by that time their relationship was over and he was alone except for his followers. An ex husband of this last wife called me while Howard was out with the boys and told me about Paul’s stroke and that we needed to send money for his care. WHAT?! I felt like telling him that if they cared so much for him why don’t they get the money together? I was very angry that that was his purpose in calling. Well we went straight to the post office to get Howard a passport so he could possibly go be with his father but of course passports were taking 8-12 weeks to process. Howard was in contact with a couple of people who were helping his father, one of them made the comment that Paul must have done something really bad to make his 20 some children not bother to get down there. How strange for them to wonder about it. Number 1 was the passport issue. Number 2 was the abandonment issue. Howard was 3 when his mother left Paul. He was 6 when they got together for one day to create his little sister. Then Paul disappeared out of Howard’s life again forever. Howard was 33 when a fellow ward member, who did genealogy research, found Paul for us.
Last year we got on myspace and because of Paul’s death were able to find many of his brothers and sisters. Here’s the story I wanted to tell today. One of Howard’s new found sisters had said on her myspace that she wanted to meet all of Paul Faddis/Taylors children. Unknown to them, they had an older brother who had been looking for Paul throughout his life. Every now and then he would Google his fathers’ name. This one search he came upon that statement. Thanks to that sister we got to meet a brother who didn’t even know that they all existed, although he had wondered.
The last time Rocky saw his father was from an upstairs window when he was 3 years old as he watched his father walk out of the house, glance up at the window where Rocky was and drive away, out of his life forever! When we met Paul we tried to get information from him about his other children. He did tell us the names of 2 girls and a boy but couldn’t even remember a 3rd daughter. His wife must have been pregnant with her when Paul left. How else could a father not remember his child? Rocky and his sisters is one tragic story among several. Those children were left with bare cupboards and no money to pay the rent or anything else. Throughout their childhoods they were abused in many ways by other family members. They had no father to protect them.
Paul abandoned over 25 children by 5 different women that we know of. His own childhood was sad because his parents had divorced and he had then spent a lot of time with polygamous aunts in Colorado City and LeBaron, MX. So far that I know of his children all are good parents and although there are divorces they stay close to their children.
The other children’s stories are also bitter. His daughters with his 3rd wife were molested by him. His 4th wife and her 7 children were callously abandoned when the oldest son was 9 or maybe 10. They actually found him working at a convenient store years later and asked him if he was their father. He denied it. They left but knew he had to be lying because they recognized a gold tooth he had. So they went back and confronted him and He then admitted that yes he was their father. There are 2 Hispanic sons whom we haven’t found and don’t have any good leads for.
I believe over all that Paul’s children moved on and some even forgave him. Howard had always wanted to know his father. We were very happy to find him and also happy that he wanted to know Howard and his 2 sisters. Howard’s mom and dad pretty much immediately started a relationship again…. Over the next few years our children had a grandfather around but of course their relationship was tumultuous and couldn’t last. Especially as she and we discovered more about him and who he was, like the molesting. Also that he didn’t seem to have any remorse for the abandonment of all those children! When I first met him he told me about his garden he was leaving behind to come live with Howard’s mom. He said he was always good at sowing a garden but never very good at the upkeep it took to make it grow and be healthy. He never had the patience to stay around and reap the benefits of what he had sown.
It is true that a lot of polygamous men love their children and do what they can to help raise them but it is also VERY true that there is almost always some child who is left without a father. It also true that polygamy tends to cloud a mans mind as to who he is allowed to touch and whom he cannot. This is just one small part of my feelings about polygamy.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Howard's such a great unassisted birth partner!

I know most people just think it's entirely insane and most likey irresponsible but sometime in my 6th pregnancy I made a decision to have our baby without the help of a midwife, or anyone for that matter. The number one reason was money of course. (now I realize that if you're too poor to pay for the birth of your children you probably won't be very able to pay for later and greater expenses as they grow up either! But it is so much fun for me!)At the first part of my pregnancy with Emerik I had hired Liz Camp from St George and I loved her. I think we made a trip to NM around that time and I felt like I didn't want to spend anymore money. Then I read about other womens unassisted birthing experiences on the internet. (some of my most profound discoveries come from other people and are not my original thoughts unfortunately.) THe thought had ocured to me but I thought I must be out of my mind. I jokingly mentioned it to Howard and he just was all gung hoe on the idea! That shocked me and I told him NO WAY! Little by little I got more comfortable with it and then very excited. I learned all I could about the risks of birthing. (It's not as risky as you would think, or should I say as doctors would have you believe!) I had already learned that laying down is a ridiculous way to have a baby. I had had Zach and Zeke while sitting on the toilet accidentally! Kiara's birth was excruciatingly difficult and I was in the typical position, on my back with my knees up being told to PUSH! As Emeriks due date approached I definately had some fear. All the "what ifs" you could think of. I tried to spend most of the time in the bath tub because I had heard so many times that the water is soothing etc. Not for me really. Of course I decided that I REALLY had to go to the bathroom and promised Howard AGAIN that I would not stay there long and certainly would not have the baby there! Dang it! But think about it...isn't the toilet the most comfortable place to push? Not very sanitary and quite horrifying though! Since Emeriks birth almost 7 years ago this Saturday, I have done it 3 more times and it has been so amazing! Howard loves it. With the last 3, Thad, Quade, and Rowan, I turned the shower on very slow pressure and just stayed there the whole time. Of course it helps if your labor only lasts for 45 minutes like Quades did! or an hour and a half like Thads! Rowans was a little longer. Started about 7PM while Howard was still working in Parowan and had him around 9:30 I think....half to look that up. I was a little scared that Howard wouldn't make it! I did get out once to sit on the toilet but wouldn't allow myself to stay there. I LOVE shower births because all the yuckiness of birth just goes right down the drain! I guess that's why I don't like baths. It's really great that Howard gets so into the births and has been such a big part of them. With Rowan I almost did it entirely by myself though even though Howard was in the shower with me. I had thought I let him do the catching but I guess I did that but his hands were there on the baby as well. The minute I saw the little mas I just started laughing and handed him to Howard. Look, it's a boy! The whole pregnany I had told EVERYONE it was a girl! I havd been right with all the others. Lucky guessing I guess. It's not that I WANTED a girl more than a boy it's just that I knew that he was a girl! I didn't even bother to get boy clothes out for him. EVERYTHING was pink! It was so great! And No I'm really not planning another one! I'm planning to go to work as soon as Rowan is in school, maybe before!

Thad 2001 Photobucket Quade 2005 Photobucket Rowan 2007 Photobucket

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Veterens Day


Thanks to all the men and women who have served and are serving our countries. Miss my grandpa Pete Blackmore. Served as a firefighter for the Canadian military in WW2. And thank you Uncle Richard for protecting freedom in Vietnam.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Halloween 2008

We let Aurora and Malachi go with friends this year. and the rest of us tried that carnival at SUU and then went trick-or-treating. Way too much candy even though we didn't do too much trick-or-treating! We had a very good time!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Polygamy ad

Oh my gosh! How do I get rid of that disgusting ad? I promise I really DESPISE polygamy!


One thing for sure and that is that change is inevitable! No matter which direction we go in, everything's always going to change. Our new president, Barack Obama, will obviously bring about change. We just have to wonder if it's going to good change or bad change or indifferent change. Already change has occurred and in my mind it's good. The first change is the obvious happiness and peace I feel from the media who have HATED President Bush beyond reasoning! We heard over and over again how bad the economy was and yet it always seemed to be very strong. If this countyr is headed for outright Socialism than it's simply because there are more people who want that kind of country. And let's be honest, there are al LOT of people who need "babysitters" in the form of government help. Personally I have felt that we have just the right amount of socialism balanced with the right amount of freedom. Good grief, I can get help to feed my kids; get the medical care they need; educate them all the way through college if necessary! I can have them on the school lunch program (except my kids charter school that is). We can get WIC, free housing, help paying utilities bills. What have I left out? So what more can there be? Well, I've been thinking. Michael died although he desperately wanted to change his life. He tried to get off his drugs and was actually on that drug they give you to help you quite, (don't remember what it's called). I knew he needed help but truthfully, I couldn't afford to help him! I haven't seen any social programs to help drug addicts except prison and that was not an option for him. He believed he would be killed because of his race. My mother adopted Michael when he was a starved 3 month old from Mexico. I was 11. I went down to get him with her. He was the most amazing highlight of my life! She has always believed it was done illegally and she would be in serious trouble if found out. I don't think she is right. But what do I know? Would socialism have helped us? Him? Would socialism help my education deficit and social phobic sister deal with life better? I don't know. What I do know is that we are all family experiencing life together and we have a certain responsibility to each other. I do know that I will always look forward to whatever change is in our future and not fear change.

Monday, November 3, 2008

toxic waste

I think I have a toxic disposition. I feel so negative all the time. What's strange is that I have a relatively positive outlook on life. I like to think that most people are basically good, although they generally seem to be misguided. I don't believe in ANY doomsday prophesies. I know that at this economically disastrious time people all around me are talking about the "hard times that have been foreseen". Life has been difficult since man first walked on all fours. (well, before that actually). There is always going to be some trauma going on. Anyone can predict it. I stil believe that many of us will roll with the punches and our species will continue, or not, who cares.?
My theory on myself is that I am so dissapointed that so far Howard and I are the only people I've ever heard of, let alone met who believe and behave the way we do. So dissapointment has jaded me. I wonder why the whole planet of humans is made up of people who, 1 must have a prophet dictate to them what is right and wrong in order to behave moraly or, 2. athiests who say "to hell with it, there is no God or hell so why should I make any effort to live any way other than whatever feels good at the moment" Where are all the athiest and Deists who believe in cause and effect? Why are all Athiests and Deists liberal Democrats? Why do people insist that abortion has anything to do with religion? Is murder only wrong because God says it's wrong? If there is no God is murder then ok? My family need socialization! We need a church ok! I'm actually contemplating taking the kids back to the LDS church. I fear that my children are not as strong as I thought and cannot hold out against all the riff-raff out there telling them it's ok to be "bad". Maybe next time I can write a more positive note.?

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The contempt shown to parents of large families

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=49074 How do you make a link to a web site without putting in th ewhole address? Plus I wonder if you can "join" or be "friends" with other google bloggers?

Since this blog is all about me, here's a stupid letter I just wrote to my brother in law in prison.

Dear Travis

I’m sorry I haven’t written to you. I haven’t felt like communicating with anyone at all since Michael died. Plus I feel guilty every time I sit at my computer and do anything besides Howards office work or the kids home school! (Ridiculous!) I didn’t even send Christmas cards or pictures. I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard time in there. I would never wish misery on you.
We’re all ready for a new existence. We don’t want the same old experiences again. Up to this point our families life has been basically hell. No more. We want to move ahead. Move beyond the poverty, beyond the drug scene, beyond death. This family needs help. We could have used the help of Michael, and you for that matter. Michael is gone but you are still here. That’s what you need to focus on, what YOU can do to help this family. Because if one of us gets ahead we all will benefit. We need YOU to succeed. We DESPERATELY NEED THAT!
My hope is that we can help you and you can help us. Becca is really trying to move forward and get something going in her life so she’s never in the same impoverished and desperate situation she’s been in for so long. She wants the best for you. She just wants you to find that without her being your main focus. Focus on yourself and what you can do for your children and yourself. Be the best you can be. Your family is still here for you. But we need more out of life.
I really can’t even describe how things have been since you’ve been gone. Just trying to move on and move forward. I’m sure you heard that Howards dad died? It’s sad to know you’ll never in this life see a person again! Howards aunt Diana died last year of cancer too. We watched her breath her last. Our dog, blue, died too. That was horrible! This year another aunt of howards died. She was only 49 and has a teenage daughter! I think it was a prescription drug overdose. Her funeral was the same day in Colorado as howards grampa’s in Sandy! He went to his aunts. I’m sick of death. I’m sick of poverty. I’m sick of drugs. I’m sick of sadness. I’m sick of struggleing.
Aurora is 17 and has a drivers license. Howards mom gave her Pauls old jeep Cherokee. The engine was bad so they spent at l least 6 months and at least $2500. on it. I think you were still here when that was going on. She is pretty lazy though and won’t take the thing and find a job! I would think maybe she is just scared but really, I think she is lazy! She has a boyfriend lately. He seems like a nice kid. I’m afraid he’s probably a muscle head though. We’ve only been around him once. I hope she gets her ambition back and gets ready for college.
Malachi is always a worry. We’ve let him grow his hair out way too long. (as soon as schools out I’m cutting it!) It attracts the wrong kind of friends and girls. Girls love him! Some of his friends were kicked out of school because they brought prescription drugs and handed them out. At least Malachi wasn’t a part of it! I have the hardest time getting him to do his homework. What’s wrong with them anyway? I’m trying so hard to give them more than I had! It really bothers me. I want then to do more with their lives than I did! And i’m so busy trying to give them the confidance to do it! Zach and Kiara are home schooling this year. That’s worked out pretty well. We have new neighbors who happen to have kids their age. They’re very mormon of course. Zeke and Emerik go to 3 Peaks, Emerik in Kindergarten and Zeke in 4th. Zeke is always behind and that’s terribly stressful. It really makes me feel like a crappy parent! Emerik I think is doing great in school, even though his first teacher tries to make me think otherwise. He has 2 teachers because instead of going half day he goes all day. I love the second teacher. She’s really a good teacher. Then there’s the babies, Thad, Quade and Rowan. They are very busy and noisy! I don’t have enough lap for them and someone is always feeling left out. Abd at this point I’m ready to do something else with my life that can make us some money. I just don’t know what or how! Also there’s a part of me that feels sad about not having babies anymore. I wouldn’t mind just having more! You have to try and understand, I’ve been pregnant or nursing for 18 years! That’s almost half my life! I’m addicted to it and don’t know what else I’m good for!
We are waiting to find out if our new water company is going to knock down our back buildings for a water line or if they’ll figure something else out. We found out that all our buildings behind our house are in the middle of an easement! That’s nice! And of course we’re still trying to add on but we know we can’t afford it!
Well, I know my letter is not funny in any way and I’m sorry. I don’t feel very funny ever. Life is SOOOOOO serious to me! I would really like to move somewhere we can make money and have fun. Aurora and malachi want to stay here. We’ll see.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Just Checking to see if I have anything to say.

The exciting occurrences of the day were,
Howard woke up with diarrhea so we definitely had to beg off going to CC for mothers day with Selena and family. We had already basically decided that last night anyway because Rowan has been sick all week with vomiting and diarrhea and Quade and Thad had fevers and coughs! I had picked up Zeke from school early on Friday with stomach complaints.
While Howard, myself, Rowan and Quade were in the shower Howard was feeling extremely ILL! He sat down and held Rowan while I washed up. Suddenly he just about kicked my feet out from under me and I had to stop myself from falling on him. I thought that was pretty weird especially since he didn’t apologize or anything! How rude! I finished rinsing my hair or whatever I was doing and slowly though, hmm, that IS weird! What’s wrong with him? I turned and found him slumped over with his head kinda rolled down on his chest. I could see one eye and it seemed to be open and staring! I said HOWARD! Did you pass out? Are you ok? He lifted his head and stammered “uh, what happened?” wow, that was freaky! So he’s been in bed all day except for later this afternoon when he actually felt well enough to have spaghetti. I’ve given him ibuprofen twice and made him some carob milk for the diarrhea.
Howard’s on the phone now with Jonnie, whose brother, Isaac, was badly hurt this morning while riding his bike in the Short Creek. Rose had called earlier to let us know. Jonnie says they had to life flight him to Las Vegas! It makes me glad we weren’t there this morning! I’m so afraid something like that is going to happen. Isaac is somewhat reckless I found out after the last time we played in the sand with him. Recklessness really bothers me.
Always working on getting malachi to do his homework. Why is that SOOOO difficult?

Polygamists from Texas unwelcome in Mexico Mormon community

Brent Lebaron is my brother in law.

Polygamists from Texas unwelcome in Mexico Mormon community
07:55 AM CDT on Thursday, May 8, 2008
By ALFREDO CORCHADO / The Dallas Morning News acorchado@dallasnews.com
COLONIA LeBARON, Mexico — Nestled in the foothills of Chihuahua's Sierra Tarahumara, a community of breakaway Mormons is worried that polygamists from the sect in Eldorado, Texas, will seek refuge here — much as the founders did when they fled Utah beginning in the 1890s.
The community has worked hard for generations to gain acceptance here.
Though polygamy is outlawed in Mexico — just as in the U.S. — about 15 percent of the community still maintains polygamous relationships, with men getting around the law by taking on what they term “spiritual wives.”
Even so, their message to those wanting to seek legal refuge in Mexico is clear: Don't even think about moving here.
“The last thing we need here are a bunch of outlaws,” said Lillian Tucker, 40, a mother of 18 who practices polygamy, but is against forcing minors into marriage. “I don't recommend anyone that's committing a crime or that's using religion to become a pedophile to come down here, because they're not going to be welcome.”
On April 3, Texas child welfare authorities raided the Yearning for Zion Ranch, a polygamist compound outside Eldorado, removing children because they believed underage girls were being forced into marriages and sex with older men. More than half of the 14- to 17-year-old girls — 31 of 53 — swept into state custody already have children or are pregnant, officials said. Officials now have custody of 464 children and also are investigating possible sexual abuse of boys.
Members of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints have denied there was any abuse. And civil liberties groups have raised concerns about the sweeping nature of the removals.
Here in Chihuahua, sympathy runs high for the Texas families split from their children. But most understand that something had to be done to protect minors.
“I'm very concerned about what's happening to so many children,” said Clary Jones, 52 and a former mayor of Galeana, the municipality that includes Colonia LeBaron.
Added Ms. Tucker: “They should go straight to the ones you feel are being abused and take care of them instead of traumatizing 400 and something children in the process.”
Some four hours southwest of El Paso, Texas, Colonia LeBaron is named after a polygamist who fled his native Utah in 1924 with his two wives and eight children. Alma Dayer LeBaron initially settled in Colonia Juárez, the first breakaway Mormon colony established in 1890, about 30 minutes from here.
But after polygamy was discontinued there, he moved his family to Galeana and founded what is known today as Colonia LeBaron, laying the groundwork for the Church of the Firstborn of the Fullness of Times, an offshoot of the Mormon Church.
Ludicrous idea
For this community, the Eldorado case is once again testing their resolve to keep away those who may want to seek refuge — including some of whom may have relatives here.
Willie Jessop, a de facto spokesman in Eldorado for that group, said the idea that members of his sect would move to Mexico is ludicrous.
They want to stay near their children — most of whom are in foster care, Mr. Jessop said. And they may be disenchanted with the U.S. government, but they don't feel they'd have greater protection south of the border.
“I would never send any wife or child of mine down there,” he said.
Still, residents in LeBaron said they've seen this story play out before.
“My hope is that we stop that kind of stuff *,” said Brent Verlan LeBaron, a descendant of the founder, “but it's happened before.”
Some polygamists from a colony in Colorado City, Ariz., headed south after a 2002 raid there — to the Mexican states of Sonora or Chihuahua, both bordering the U.S.
Fundamentalist leader Orson William Black, another self-proclaimed prophet, fled for LeBaron.
When he arrived with three wives and an underage bride-to-be, residents kicked him out of town, locals said. Mr. Black is now believed to be hiding somewhere along this isolated mountainous region.
“We don't want trouble,” Mr. Jones said. “We're living our own way of life here and it's within the law and we're all trying to be productive citizens of Mexico* And trying to do the best we can. When somebody comes in like this, it makes it real difficult for everyone.”
Residents in this valley of apple orchards, pecan trees and alfalfa fields work as farmers and lead a quiet life devoted to their large families — the majority of whom are related to one another.
They blend in with Mexican residents, speak two languages and embrace both cultures.
Religion is no longer organized, though they gather weekly for bible study and read the Book of Mormon, they say.
Dwindling numbers
Polygamy in Colonia LeBaron today is only practiced by “consenting adults,” said Mr. Jones, who is widely respected as a community leader and bridge builder. He served as Galeana's first “American mayor,” a reference to his blonde hair and blue eyes, from 2001 to 2004.
Those who practice polygamy stay within the law by not being legally married to more than one person and their numbers are dwindling.
The Chihuahua native is married to one of Alma Dayer LeBaron's granddaughters and he does not practice polygamy.
“If we're doing plural marriage at all, we're doing it within the law, within freedom of choice,” Mr. Jones said. “And maybe that's why we're living plural marriage less and less because there is not the religious push anymore toward doing that.”
Ms. Tucker, for instance, is in a polygamous relationship as a spiritual wife, but none of her four married daughters practices polygamy. And that's fine with her.
Her children range in age from 7 months to 22 years of age. Her husband, whom she declined to name without his approval, has 14 children with her “sister wife.” She doesn't share her 7-bedroom home with her sister wife, but they get along just fine and their children consider themselves brothers and sisters, she said.
Mexicans tolerate their lifestyle, she said, even admire that “we're not hypocritical.”
“We share a husband. We love big families,” she said “But polygamy is not something I recommend to anyone unless you share the same fundamental religious beliefs because otherwise it could turn into a mess.”
As she presides over the organized chaos that is her home, Ms. Tucker turns her attention to the Eldorado situation and shakes her head.
“I'd tell the mothers, 'Wake up and use your common sense. Use your relationship with God, and if doesn't feel right, get the heck out of there,'” she said. “What were they thinking?”

Staff writer Emily Ramshaw and BELO TV U.S.-Mexico Bureau Chief Angela Kocherga contributed to this report.