Friday, January 30, 2009
English
I make a fool of myself every time I have to participate in class. I am such a dunce! When will I grow up?
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Just One Please
My first English essay. she gave me a 95% and advised that ir needs more to the conclussion. I'm not sure that I'm very good at this sort of thing!
English 1010
January 23 2009
Just One Please
I sat motionless, not able to breath, my stomach twisting into a tight knot, like a wet rag being wrung out, threatening to expel everything it contained all over the trailer house porch. Mathew, the young man who was supposedly in love with me, had just asked me to convince my innocent, 15 year old sister, Joy, to become one of his polygamous wives!
My emotions confused me at first. Why should I have a problem with the request? Most of my life I had felt a deep sense of sympathy for all the poor, misguided souls, in a world that I had rarely been exposed to, who didn’t understand the, so called, truth as I had been taught it. There was another, not so kind, feeling as well- superiority. I had always been told, and believed, that I would have a secure place in the “Celestial Kingdom” if I would only overcome the selfish and jealous nature that my gender is “naturally cursed with”. I had to prove to God and everyone that I was beyond such mortal feelings by one day sharing my husband with other women.
I knew that I was perfectly capable of it. There had never been a doubt in my mind! After all I had many sisters and brothers with whom I shared my parents. Once in a while a mean thought would creep into my young mind like, “I wish I were an only child!” But the thought never lingered long. I enjoyed my siblings and was generally happy to share the attention we received from our mother and sometimes our father. There was enough to go around. What difference would it make to share my husband and the father to my children? My father often made the comparison, “A father loves all of his children alike. It’s the same with wives.” Polygamy was my calling. Really the only thing required of me in life; well, besides the multitude of babies I would have.
I was 17, eager for life and sick of the boredom I felt every moment of every day with no society beyond my family. Mathew was my step-mothers brother and I babysat in his home. Unlike other “plyg” kids, as we called ourselves, we did not face the possibility of an arranged marriage. We were free to choose for ourselves from our limited society.
As Mathew and I sat together that afternoon in the warm glow of sunset, on the steps of his trailer house porch, his arm draped over my shoulders, and I with a feeling of happiness and belonging, he casually asked me if I would try to procure my little sister for his wife as well.
I wanted to stiffen, maybe even gasp in disgust, but I was not used to having an opinion let alone expressing one! So I sat quietly trying to make sense of what he had said. In those few moments of quiet rage, images began to creep into my mind. I could clearly see the young, laughing face of my little sister. Then the memory of my aunt leaping out of my brother-in-laws traveling car when she found out that her husband had gone to Mexico to get a new wife. I had thought her so pathetic and cowardly! And, closer to my heart, the memory of my mother sending me to find my dad because she feared she was having a miscarriage, only to have him roll his eyes and inform me it was “Aunt Carla’s night.” And the subsequent lonely miscarriages she endured.
How different ones outlook becomes from just a little first hand experience! In an instant, gone were the thoughts of disgust at women I had thought were “rebellious” wives.
It was at that moment, as my emotions raged unchecked, that reality hit me full force, like a sonic boom in my head! The anger was exhilarating! I felt alive! Being the quiet and scared person that I was I did not say anything, but I knew, if this was my path to “heaven,” I would rather take a one way ticket straight to hell!
A week later I was on a plane to a summer job in Alaska and my mother was in the process of putting polygamy behind her and my sisters for good.
English 1010
January 23 2009
Just One Please
I sat motionless, not able to breath, my stomach twisting into a tight knot, like a wet rag being wrung out, threatening to expel everything it contained all over the trailer house porch. Mathew, the young man who was supposedly in love with me, had just asked me to convince my innocent, 15 year old sister, Joy, to become one of his polygamous wives!
My emotions confused me at first. Why should I have a problem with the request? Most of my life I had felt a deep sense of sympathy for all the poor, misguided souls, in a world that I had rarely been exposed to, who didn’t understand the, so called, truth as I had been taught it. There was another, not so kind, feeling as well- superiority. I had always been told, and believed, that I would have a secure place in the “Celestial Kingdom” if I would only overcome the selfish and jealous nature that my gender is “naturally cursed with”. I had to prove to God and everyone that I was beyond such mortal feelings by one day sharing my husband with other women.
I knew that I was perfectly capable of it. There had never been a doubt in my mind! After all I had many sisters and brothers with whom I shared my parents. Once in a while a mean thought would creep into my young mind like, “I wish I were an only child!” But the thought never lingered long. I enjoyed my siblings and was generally happy to share the attention we received from our mother and sometimes our father. There was enough to go around. What difference would it make to share my husband and the father to my children? My father often made the comparison, “A father loves all of his children alike. It’s the same with wives.” Polygamy was my calling. Really the only thing required of me in life; well, besides the multitude of babies I would have.
I was 17, eager for life and sick of the boredom I felt every moment of every day with no society beyond my family. Mathew was my step-mothers brother and I babysat in his home. Unlike other “plyg” kids, as we called ourselves, we did not face the possibility of an arranged marriage. We were free to choose for ourselves from our limited society.
As Mathew and I sat together that afternoon in the warm glow of sunset, on the steps of his trailer house porch, his arm draped over my shoulders, and I with a feeling of happiness and belonging, he casually asked me if I would try to procure my little sister for his wife as well.
I wanted to stiffen, maybe even gasp in disgust, but I was not used to having an opinion let alone expressing one! So I sat quietly trying to make sense of what he had said. In those few moments of quiet rage, images began to creep into my mind. I could clearly see the young, laughing face of my little sister. Then the memory of my aunt leaping out of my brother-in-laws traveling car when she found out that her husband had gone to Mexico to get a new wife. I had thought her so pathetic and cowardly! And, closer to my heart, the memory of my mother sending me to find my dad because she feared she was having a miscarriage, only to have him roll his eyes and inform me it was “Aunt Carla’s night.” And the subsequent lonely miscarriages she endured.
How different ones outlook becomes from just a little first hand experience! In an instant, gone were the thoughts of disgust at women I had thought were “rebellious” wives.
It was at that moment, as my emotions raged unchecked, that reality hit me full force, like a sonic boom in my head! The anger was exhilarating! I felt alive! Being the quiet and scared person that I was I did not say anything, but I knew, if this was my path to “heaven,” I would rather take a one way ticket straight to hell!
A week later I was on a plane to a summer job in Alaska and my mother was in the process of putting polygamy behind her and my sisters for good.
Hollywood Conservatives Encouraged to Come Out of the Closet
My question is how can the brother of Allen Baldwin be a conservative?!!!! Amazing!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
I'm making a transcript for my almost 18 year old to get her into SUU.
I have no idea what they want exactly but I did ask for a transcipt of all she's done at the high school here. It's due in a week or so. I hope it's ok.
Student Transcript
Home school
Name
address
Cedar City, UT 84721
Gender: F Grade: 12
08-09 Canyon View High School
Spring semester she will finish up Chemistry, Orchestra, English 11 and 12. She will also have Dance and Weights.
07-08
Auto Mechanics B 2 semesters
Music A 2 semesters
Gun Club B 2 semesters
Astronomy B 1 semester
Horse Management C 1 semester
06-07
Fitness B 1 semester
Health B 1 semester
Child Development C 2 semesters
World History A 1 Semester
Music Aesthetics A 2 semesters
05-06
English B 2 semesters
Food and Nutrition A 1 semester
Clothing Construction A 2 semesters
Earth Systems C 1 semester
World Civilizations A 2 semester
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Cousin Winston
I guess he has his own blog. I've never met him. He always seems to sound not TOO bad to me....?
Sunday, January 11, 2009
AIDS battle burnishes Bush's legacy in Africa
Here's a pretty decent article about something GOOD the Bush Administraion has done. Always nay-sayers but hey, now that we've got the other team in office maybe we'll finally hear more posative things about Bush. That's going to be such a relief! As for Obama; I think he's great.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Looks like the Mounties are trying to clean house?
Harold Blackmore was my sweet, LDS grandpa. Raymond is the youngest in this picture. http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/americas/01/07/canada.polygamists/index.html
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
See, there's no such thing as an Athiest Republican!
Just as I suspected! Or perhaps they're working so hard they don't have time for a google blog.? Why am I a Republican anyway? For starters the whole abortion issue just bothers me. I'm not saying a woman shouldn't have a choice in terrible situations I just think it's far too common and that a person should have to watch an educational video or something before they go through with it. I beleive the babies suffer horribly as they are being ripped apart! And I feel that there should be more accountability. Here in the US there are so many people just dieing to adopt babies! Abortion is nothing less than murder! That child did not have a choice. It did not ask for a life and it certainly did not ask for a death!
More on this repub issue later, i hear my baby coughing and complaining from bed, which I vacated because it is TOO crowded to sleep in and I have insomnia!
More on this repub issue later, i hear my baby coughing and complaining from bed, which I vacated because it is TOO crowded to sleep in and I have insomnia!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Livin with teens
In a rush this morning to get my butt to my fist class of the semester I begged Howard for a pencil and he helpfully obliged. As I was dropping Aurora off I asked Malachi if he had the supplies needed for school today such as pencil, notebook, etc. He chipperly answered "I have a pencil!" Well good I thought. But after I dropped him off, went around the block, parked and jumped out of the jeep grabbing my own books etc, low and behold I could NOT find that pencil Howard had given me! At least ONE of us had a pencil! I was forced to raise my hand in class, drawing attention to myself, and ask if anyone had such a thing! What a good way to start a new class.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Mentally handicapped?
I have to get this off my chest! I feel like, (hmm no, I think) I have inherited a lack of intelligence and what’s worse; I’m passing it down to my kids! You wonder how I can be so rude to my family and ancestors by claiming it’s inherited? Well for one thing I can be completely anonymous here. But the main thing is that I’m pretty sure I’m being truthful! I could bring up multiple examples. Naa never mind. Anyway, I think my kids dad has at least as much and more negative DNA in his background. And naively we have 9 beautiful kids to continue the legacy with! I’ve started advising them to limit their procreation if possible. But especially, if they really want to procreate, to make sure they do their research on their intended partners! I think I’m pretty serious.
The thing is that I often think I have something I could communicate and I’ll have it all, you know, typed in my head. But by the time I get to the computer to get it out of my head I have forgotten the great layout I had thought out! Aaaahhhhh! It’s soo frusterating!
Honestly there have been times that I was sure I was a lot smarter than most people but lately…. I realize that it’s very hard for me to learn. Probably because I can’t REMEMBER! What are my options? I can accept who I am and live with my mental disabilities or I can work my brain out and pretend to everyone else that I’m smarter than I am. One is the lazy but relaxing way; the other will take a bunch of work and maybe lies. Sigh. I guess I’ll have to keep trying and hoping to expand what little I have.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
2009 RESOLUTIONS
Easy to accomplish
1. Lose 5 lbs, lucky for me that’s not too hard to do if I really try. Although it has taken me longer than usual to get rid of the baby fat left over from Rowan who will be 2 in Feb.
2. Weekly cappuccino moolattes!
Not so easy
1. Change our housing situation by either adding on or moving!
2. refinance
3. exercise
4. Stay un-pregnant OR get my hands on a lot of money!
5. be a better mother to teenagers?
6. continue with my education
7. have a better income
8. get Howards teeth done
9. braces for Zeke and possibly Zach and Aurora
10. Stop trying to be funny! I'm not good at it.
11. laugh more
12. buy and eat less sugar especially what the kids get!
Easy to accomplish
1. Lose 5 lbs, lucky for me that’s not too hard to do if I really try. Although it has taken me longer than usual to get rid of the baby fat left over from Rowan who will be 2 in Feb.
2. Weekly cappuccino moolattes!
Not so easy
1. Change our housing situation by either adding on or moving!
2. refinance
3. exercise
4. Stay un-pregnant OR get my hands on a lot of money!
5. be a better mother to teenagers?
6. continue with my education
7. have a better income
8. get Howards teeth done
9. braces for Zeke and possibly Zach and Aurora
10. Stop trying to be funny! I'm not good at it.
11. laugh more
12. buy and eat less sugar especially what the kids get!
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